Pirates: Dead Men Tell No Tales Review

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pirates5The Final!?! Pirates of the Caribbean film is now in theaters. Pirates: Dead Men Tell No Tales wants you to believe after the weird and out of place Stranger Tides that this will close the book on the series. We all know better but in this alleged final run they crew attempts to do what they can to still dazzle us.

Dead Men Tell No Tales does a few time jumps to show up a young Henry Turner who has successfully located and visiting his father even when its not his schedules time to come ashore. A young boy doing everything he can to be with his cursed father. Many of the faces you know are still around, Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) is starting to show Barnacle wear and tear yet we don’t see his father. Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) is older and no longer blonde. Henry Turner (Brenton Thwaites) is now a young man in heavy pursuit of the means to break his father’s curse as captain of the Jolly Roger and bring him home for good. Barbosa (Geoffrey Rush) is a wealthy pirate who commands several ships in his fleet, and Jack is still drunken Jack with his beloved Black Pearl still in the bottle. We also get some new faces Jack uncle, played by Paul McCartney in the most gratuitously unnecessary stunt casting in a long time. Lets face it, his inclusion is weak and should have been left on the cutting room floor. What we do have are 2 new big entries, Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem) an undead Spanish captain who used to hunt pirates but was bested by Jack Sparrow and sent to his watery undead grave in the Devil’s triangle. This flashback features a very young 21 Jump Street Johnny Depp and it quite entertaining. His vendetta against Jack is one of the many subplots of this film. We also have one more new entry Carina (Kaya Scodelario) an orphan and way to smart for a time that smart women are burned as witches.

Between the multiple plot points and storylines we get some pretty good action, lots of laughs and a story reveal you see coming a mile away. Dead men Tell No Tales still manages to be a fun ride in spite of itself and it’s a bit too long series. While there are small references to all 3 films the biggest lean on At World’s End. The quest to find Neptune’s Trident a mighty item of sea lore that can break any sea curse.

If you loved the first 3 films of the Pirates series or just have a heavy affinity for Johnny Depp you will be pleased with Dead Men Tell No Tales. It attempts to make itself final by neatly cleaning up almost all past storylines that were hanging in the balance thru the previous films. Just when you think you can walk away, there’s a post credit scene that throws everything back on the table with zero disregard for the neat bow they put on on the ending of this film. Is this the last Pirates film? Is Keith Richard’s (who’s not even in this) going to outlive the apocalypse? I think you know the answer.

My Rating: Matinee
Directors: Joachim Ronning, Espen Sandberg
Studio: Walt Disney Pictures
Release Date: May 26, 2017
Run time: 2 hours 9 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Pay for 3D: Optional