Movie Review- Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
Another Grimm fairy tale gets an adult themed reboot. Lets be honest I wasn’t expecting much based on the trailer. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters shows a the young pair who are left in the woods by their father and told to stay put, Of course if they listened we wouldn’t have a movie. While cold and hungry they come across the candy house and the witch. The witch forces Hansel to eat copious amounts of candy but a resourceful Gretel manages to outsmart the witch and together they toss the witch in the oven. This starts their career as Witch Hunters. Its rather funny to see the news clippings of them as they age and Hansel looks more and more like Thor, than like Hawkeye.
Fast forward thru the credits and the years we know have an Adult Gretel (Gemma Arterton) and Hansel (Jeremy Renner) who is now a diabetic thanks no good witch. They are witch hunters for hire and come to a small town where a bunch of children have been taken. While they were brought in by the Mayor, the Sheriff and his minions plan to do things themselves and of course get rid of the siblings. We also get a fanboy Ben (Thomas Mann) who has been chronically the adventures of Hansel & Gretel and is so excited to have them in his town since he really wants to be a witch hunter when he grows up.
We also have the grand witch Muriel played by Famke Janssen. The grand witch is the only witch who can change her appearance to look normal. All over dark witches the longer they practice the uglier they get, makes it easier to identify as well. There are Good Witches not that Hansel & Gretel know but its pretty obvious at least 30 minutes in even if it takes the movie till an hour in to let you know it.
This movie is gory beyond reproach. The weird thing is its clearly not a horror movie. Some of the action is comically bad but not at the cheese factor. If fact its not nearly as funny as I expected it to be. Several 1-liners fall flat, the comical factor is dry, but it definitely has a lot of blood and violence. I saw this in IMAX 3D and I will admit it looked great. It was some of the best 3D out there and it was in the right places and really worked. Unfortunately that was the major highlight of this film. I’m all for adult versions of fairy tales but this was all blood and guts with no story to go with it. You knew everything before it was going to happen and I as short as this was it wasn’t good enough for me not to get bored.